The Facebook Post That Started It All

This is where it all starts!  Thanks to a really long, heartfelt Facebook post, I've decided to start a blog.  I figured I would get a lot of well-wishers when I decided to put my business on blast on social media.  I didn't realize that so many people would enjoy my writing.  The response was overwhelmingly positive.  My inbox exploded.

All the encouragement led to new form of support: therapeutic writing for me via this blog, which will double as a great place to learn more about what I've been through on this Cancer journey and where I'm headed during treatment.  As I sort through my thoughts, I can share what my goals are and how I'm feeling.  In the meantime, here's the Facebook post verbatim in case you missed it:

This is SOOOOO UNCOMFORTABLE!!!  I agonized for weeks over whether or not I should share this.  I have rewritten this opening paragraph 8 times already because I just don’t know the best way to say it. 

I have been diagnosed with Stage III Ovarian Cancer.  Specifically, Granulosa Cell Tumor.  I am not dying, but I have a battle ahead of me.  You can read more about Granulosa Cell Tumors (GCT) here:  http://ovarian.org/about-ovarian-cancer/what-is-ovarian-cancer/types-a-stages.  It’s a rare cancer that accounts for approximately 2-5% of ovarian cancers and it’s rather difficult to find universally accepted information on it.  Small scale studies have shown inconsistency in rate of recurrence, overall prognosis, causes, etc.  I had to Google for hours when I was first diagnosed.  General consensus is that prognosis is good but it’ll probably come back a few times in my lifetime because they don’t know how to stop it.  It seems like it’s treatable but not curable.

Initially, I kept this private and only shared with a very close group of family members.  I slowly became comfortable talking about it with more and more people, but still wasn’t comfortable “announcing” it like this.  After all, it’s not official unless it’s on Facebook, so keeping it quiet was my way of avoiding it.  As time has gone on, I’m realizing that I won’t be able to hide it forever and people will have questions.  I want to raise awareness, I want you guys to know what’s going on in my life and maybe help explain why I haven’t texted you back or why I haven’t posted anything obnoxious in a while. 

This next thing is the hardest part for me to admit, but it’s the biggest reason I’m sharing.    I need support.  I’m stubborn and spunky and spent most of my life as an only child so I’ve always maintained the “I wanna do it myself!!” mentality.  I share feelings on the surface-level but never let myself be too vulnerable.  I hate feelings, they’re stupid.  But here I am, recognizing that I can’t do this on my own.  I have a phenomenal support system in place already, and it seems like the more folks I have surrounding me, the brighter my future looks. 

I’m so grateful for everything that everyone has already done for me.  I’ve had people sit with me for hours at the hospital, make me food, text me daily to check on me, refer me to doctors and health care professionals, give me detailed recipes from nutritionists, print studies for me on supplements… it’s been so humbling and yet so invigorating.  I have confidence to fight!  For those that have been helping or even just offered to help, thank you so very much.  All this love is so motivating and comforting.  I have my very own cheerleading squad!

Part of my reservation about posting this on social media was perception. Everyone will have their own opinions on whether or not I should be sharing this so publicly, what kind of treatment I should be seeking, how I should be acting, what I should be eating, what I should be feeling…. Just know that a lot of thought went into this and I’m sensitive and I’m doing this to help surround myself with positivity, not to open myself up to criticism.  I feel like I know most of you guys well enough to know that you’re all caring people and I doubt I’ll have to deal with any negativity, but I do feel better saying it out loud.

I’m probably going to start a blog or something, because writing is therapeutic and I have so much on my mind.  Like, every feeling imaginable, all within a few hours of one another, and then repeated a few times a day, every day.  It’s insane how quickly all this happened, but it seems like slow motion.

It’s funny because the thing that finally got me to open up about all this was this post from 7 years ago, that I shared yesterday.  “IF I COULD ERADICATE THE WORLD OF TWO THINGS, THEY WOULD BE CANCER, AND THE SAN DIEGO CHARGERS.”

We put a man on the moon decades ago, but we haven’t devoted enough funding to determine what causes this stupid cancer and more importantly, how to cure it!!  I appreciate you guys letting me share with you.  I’ll keep you posted on what lies ahead.  This is probably the longest post in the history of Facebook posts omg how embarrassing.  Definitely gonna have to start a blog 😊  I’m ready to forge ahead and kick some cancer ass.  It can take my hair, but it can’t take my sense of humor or my high heels.